Thursday, January 22, 2015

The Fastest, Longest, Happiest, Tiredest Month of My Life

How in the world can my perfect newborn BABY girl already be a month old?!

{& How can ONE month be all of those things in the title? Oh just trust me.. somehow it is}

I love this picture of Emery it just melts my heart.

Our little em-cakes had her one month doctors appointment yesterday..
{These pictures are actually from the end of her 3rd week.. life goes so fast when you're counting by weeks}

She is already 9 pounds and I can't remember 3 or 5 oz. and she is 21 1/2 inches long!
I must remind you that she was only 6 lbs 13 oz when she was born. That seems like significant weight gain in just a few weeks when it's 1/3 of your body weight. And she has grown 2 1/2 inches.

{I love the nostril flaring, it's something that reminds me of Blake and I, and I want to remember it forever}

The doctor and nurse were both kind of laughing after they weighed/measured her and both made comments like wooow.. she must be eating really well.

Stop growing so fast baby girl. Just stop it.

I think that's why it's been so hard for me to blog.. because even though I have SO much I want to share and remember I feel like I just want to soak in every little thing about Emery right now because she seems to be growing and changing right before my eyes and I don't want to waste any of my day not spending it with her.. or sleeping if I can.

And speaking of sleeping.. it could also be hard for me to blog because it's also hard for me to do laundry and clean the house and unload the dishwasher and other basic needs. It feels like we are kind of in survival mode over here.. and I will be honest I pictured having a baby being a little higher functioning than we have been.

But I guess that's what happens when you are running on 4 or less hours of sleep a night.. for I don't know.. um 5 ish weeks?
It definitely starts to wear you out..

And, really, I don't know what I would do without this wonderful man of mine.

During the weekends I have gotten 6 ish hours of sleep at night on occasion and Blake will stay up with her.
I don't know how people raise babies on their own.

And quite honestly I am just impressed that people raise babies.. alone and not alone.

Because even though we are just SMITTEN and feel SO blessed to have each other.

People don't tell you how hard of work it is that first few months {so I hear we have a couple more to go}.. or maybe they do but seriously you do not BELIEVE/understand it until you are going through it.

And I thought that I should point it out because it can get really discouraging. I am pretty go go go and can be a neat freak.. and when things are just piling up and it takes you 40 minutes to unload the dishwasher because you are interrupted by feeding and diaper changing and crying because she wants to be held and let me remind you that you are doing all of these things on virtually NO sleep.
It's easy to get down on yourself.

But just try googling "the newborn phase" I have been dying laughing at everyone's articles.
And I felt better. It's hard.. and it seems like people who haven't had babies for a while forget how hard it is so I decided that I want to document it so I can be more empathetic and remember this phase of life with our little Em.
SO out of this world happy.. and so exhaustively hard.

I also have to be honest and say that there are some days that I get to the point that I feel like I can't even lift my head and Blake comes home and Emery and I are just sitting there crying and staring at each other.

But there is not one moment that I do not love that little girl more than I realized was possible.
I knew that I would love her.. but I didn't realize that every morning when I saw her and realized she was still here my heart would feel like it bursts out of my body again and I would want to just kiss her face for 10 minutes and squeeze her for the next hour.

And she really is the SWEETEST most loving baby. She can be really smiley and has laughed already and always holds my hand when I feed her and loves to be held and cuddled.
In fact if she is crying and isn't hungry it's probably because she wants to be picked up and cuddled.

{Having family in town the first month of her life has definitely spoiled her with love}
[[And speaking of family in town.. I want to say a special thanks to my sweet mother in law for taking these pictures for us while you were in town.. I love having them.. ]]

And how do you get upset at a sweet baby that as soon as you pick her up seems like everything is right in the world and just burrows into your chest?

And then there are moments like these..
Blake is literally the CUTEST dad ever.
He is SO patient with Emery and just sits over her bassinet or swing forever just watching her and telling me {and her} why Emery is so cute and why he loves her and why she is the best.

And it's crazy but I think that watching him with her and what a good loving dad he is makes me love him even more... if that's even possible.

I don't know if anyone will find this picture quite as endearing as I do but this is the sweet face she gives me when she is ready to be fed {and I wanted to save it in my mind and the blog}.. and she really is pretty patient. She will make a few noises and give me a little bit before she absolutely demands that she be fed now. Which is quite a blessing at 2 in the morning when I prepare myself to get up..

But I love her sweet little faces.. and her cooing. It is so high pitched and there really is no other word for it than just sweet.
I love how she still bends her little froggy legs up when you hold her and change her.. It has taken us a little bit but I actually even love feeding her and the sounds that she makes and how excited she gets.
I love when she lets you just hold her and she cuddles into you.

Yesterday after she got a shot, which neither of us knew was happening and completely scarred both of us, she held my hand and looked at me and gave me the saddest look and just started sobbing.
And as I held her tight hugging her in my arms and she burrowed her head into me and started to calm down I thought, even though I wanted to cry too, how wonderful it is just be this little girls mom and be the person she wants to hold her when she is sad.

I love her smell and eyes and cheeks and oh darling little perfect baby feet and soft sweet hands and just how perfect and tiny she is.

And even though all of this love might be overwhelming to our sweet little babe..

Basically I love every little last thing about her.

{And I know I have been on the other end where you are just ready for moms to stop it already and not be so obsessive because nobody loves everything about this baby quite like her parents do}

It's amazing to me still how wonderful it is to just sit and kiss and hold and watch her all day.

And even if I can never keep up with the cleaning of our clothes that are covered in baby spit up.. I am so grateful to get to go through this phase.. and I am excited to see you learn and grow this next year.

 {Just try not to do it too fast.. okay.. except for the sleeping through the night thing that could start tonight and I wouldn't even be mad.. but everything else let me soak it in}

Blake just barely had to go back to school and has been able to spend this whole last month with us..
talk about a blessing and just wonderful first baby experience.
And despite being tired I have loved this last month of Emery's life.. I really do just keep thinking how much more full and purposeful our life seems.

It is the best feeling in the world how much I love these people of mine.

Yesterday as I was walking back home from Emery's doctor's appointment..
{we live down the road from the doctor and since here January can be 70 degrees and we only have had one working car.. I have been getting some exercise and Emery has been getting to see the world}

 I was reflecting on before she was born how we kept thinking/saying WOW.. we are going to have this baby like
This is such a big commitment.. and we thought things like how we really hoped we were ready.

 And yesterday as I was holding her in my arms (or in the baby bjorn carrier) I was thinking how full my heart feels and how I can't even imagine not having our baby forever.

Anything less than forever with this little family of mine wouldn't be long enough.

And what a blessing {let me repeat.. a hard exhausting blessing.. that we are definitely having to work for} this first month has been. Our sweet little Em even though I will probably die of exhaustion {I have gotten quite the head cold the last couple of days I think just from being worn down}I would die before I would trade you for any amount of sleep in the world. Thanks for letting me be your mom.

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